Three months ago, I went to He-who-trains and told him that I had three months to be bikini ready, since my motivational cheerleader of a cousin issued the decree that this was the year where I was no longer allowed to hide. We changed some things around with my workouts and eating. And I have been busting it. But just because my spirit has a time table does not mean my body is interested. I've been stuck for three months, at least pound wise. (And though the same dress size, I'm starting to see some new definition.)
It's been bumming me out for a while-- and now I'm coming up on my deadline. I'm definitely not where I want to be, or where I realistically thought I'd be by now. So I had a decision to make: give it another year, or do what the Black Eyed Peas suggest and "Rock That Body." (Yeah, yeah... I know I'm not exactly talking about the same kind of uhem... rocking.) I've had some great people that have given me some courage including a gym friend who told me to "Wear the Bikini. Let's face it, you'll look better than 80% of the people who decided to wear their bikinis that day." And my workout partner is awesome-- she has mad ignoring skills when I'm having my own whiny pity parties, but more than that, she won't let me get discouraged or give up. The people in the gym affectionally whistle and tell me that I look great, because they remember where I started.
It's awesome to have people like that, and they've made all the difference. But at the end of the day, it's not about them. It's about me, and how I feel in my skin-- even in this body. It's been a summer of firsts for me. I purchased my first pair of not-running-shorts in over a decade. I've hung out at the pool, and it wasn't a thing. I've worn strappy sundresses and sleeveless shirts. When my picture-loving cousins demand selfies, I'm gonna smile broadly and with pride. And soon, I'm gonna unapologetically put a bikini on this body. I'm gonna rock my body.
I know I said it wasn't about anyone else's thoughts about me, but it was pretty much awesome today when the tiny, sweet, nonagenarian of a church matriarch was trying to get me eat at the fellowship luncheon (that was mostly sacrificed long ago), and I said "I'm going to the beach soon and I'm going to wear a bikini" and she got a huge grin on her face and enthusiastically said "Good for you! You go girl!" Yeah, that's a win.