Living like Winnie

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

    I first saw this quote tattooed on my cousins body--which maybe makes me a laugh at little bit.  But the quote has sort of grabbed ahold of me, and it's become something that matters to me--something that I have to remind myself every now and then.  Because not only have I been guilty of limiting myself, I've been just as guilty at letting other people's thoughts and expectations limit me.

    He-who-trains taught me a lesson once. It was a high intensity cardio day, and I had been on the bike for almost 45 minutes.  I was sweaty and tired and fully believed that I had given it everything. I thought when the timer said "45", I was done.  Of course, that's the moment He-who-trains chose to come up and tell me that I wasn't done-- that that was only the first half.  And not only that, but that I was to crank up the resistance.  It's admittedly been awhile, but he said something like "When you think you can't go any more or any harder, put your head down and push through it."

I did.  And I'm only exaggerating a little when I say I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  If I thought I was sweaty before, I had not yet begun to sweat.  (No seriously, like wring me out because there is no dry spot on my shirt sweaty.)  But I've not forgotten what I learned: that there is much more in me than I am often able to realize.

This morning I preached on the passage in Acts where God tells Peter not to "call unclean what I have called clean."  In some ways, it's a passage about putting up walls-- and about how they come crashing down in the presence of God. And when Peter is trying to defend himself to the religious authorities because he's done what God said, he says, "Who am I to hinder God?" I like that question and it's a good one for the church.  But maybe an equally good question for someone who struggles with self doubt is "Who am I to limit myself?" I realize that I often put up walls and draw lines and create boundaries for what I can and can't do.  But when I stop with it for a while, sometimes I surprise myself. I realize that there is more in me for which I cannot often give myself credit.  Sometimes I do things that I really didn't think I could do.  Maybe that's pushing through at the gym, or maybe it's shutting up the voices that tell me I need sweet carbs (which thankfully I am no longer craving-- LOVE this new program!)  But maybe it's more than that.  Maybe it's having the courage to own my stuff and do something about it.  Maybe it's not apologizing for where I am and just simply standly firmly in that place.

I don't often take life advice from animated characters, but maybe I'll make an exception.  I am strong-- strong enough to be who I am, to believe what I do, and two stand on my own two feet. And to one day get out of this body that has spent way too long holding me back.

Back in the Saddle

It's been a long, unhealthy summer, as evidenced by this pudgy parson's poorly fitting clothes.  But, at least there's been a good reason for it! (Hey, I can rationalize with the best of them!)  We've been in flux since June, when we realized that we would be moving!

But, we're here now (at least our bodies.  Our stuff, well...that's in process). And it's time to start undoing all the damage, and hopefully quit popping buttons off my ill-fitting britches.  But we've made the decision that we're going to do better things in this new place.

And to our credit, the very first day we joined the gym here.  I've gone on really long walks (read: hikes. These here mountains ain't no joke!) with my doggy almost every day. We've made better choices food wise. (Read: we quit stocking Little Debbies in the cabinet.) We've made plans of ways to fit exercise into our lives.  (Read: well, you gotta start somewhere and a plan is as good a place as any)

Last night, though, I surprised myself.  I went to a spin class. I only thought I was going to die a few times.  It wasn't pretty, but at least I had a bike in the back. (Anyone who would've been behind me would've gotten a very jiggly view.  Spin class is apparently not so great for hiding your backside.) I have avoided spin classes in the past as they've kind of intimidated me.  But I went, and it wasn't as bad as I would've guessed.

While I was spinning there, getting nowhere exactly, Bon Jovi's "It's my life" came on.  That used to be a ramp up, play on repeat over and over, song for me. Hearing it again reminded me of my promise to myself-. In it, though the words never said it, I was able to hear me telling myself that I want better for myself and that I'm willing to work for it.  So these are my new words:

It's my life.
It's now or never.
I ain't gonna live forever.
I just wanna live while I'm alive.