He-who-trains once told me about getting up from Christmas dinner (after eating everything he wanted, apparently including a good sized bit of pineapple upside down cake) and going to the gym for two hours. My initial reaction was "Why in the world would you do that? That's just ridiculous. What's wrong with you?" But what he said has stuck with me. "I needed to remind myself who I was, and what I was about."
Today I understood. My afternoon tasks went long, and I was rushed and overwhelmed. I didn't have time for my usual pre-workout routine. And I'm stressed about a writing deadline that looms. (Which, of course, explains why I'm blogging.) Everything told me that today was a "Well, the world just got the best of me but I'll do better tomorrow" sort of day. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if I missed one workout, but coupled with the other one workouts I've missed lately, I realized I was starting a nasty habit. So I slammed a protein shake, threw on gym clothes and ran out the door before I could change my mind, and rationalize more butt sitting. It was actually a good workout, but even if it wasn't, it was the best thing I could've done today. It cleared out some of the stuff weighing on my brain which enabled me to be a little more productive. It gave me a few minutes with "my people" where I could laugh and cut up and be a person away from the church. But more than that, I reminded myself who I was and what I was about.
I've been guilty of forgetting lately. If I let myself forget enough, I'll quickly turn into the apathetic person I once was. That person was 90 lbs overweight, too tired to do anything, plagued by asthma and bad knees, and had a crappy sense of self-esteem.
But I am not that person any more, so it's worth remembering who I am.
I am not someone whose priorities will be set by a nagging to-do list. I am not someone who will let self care slide so that I can be more or do more. I am someone whose health matters. I am someone who has goals and will achieve them.